Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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