so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
