so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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