Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
