I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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