what day is it and did you see me today?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize