I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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