I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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