Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
