Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
