Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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