I think I am morally bankrupt
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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