if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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