I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
