I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
