Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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