I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
