ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize