HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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