I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
