The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
