I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You are a genius and a whore.
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