I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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