I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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