Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Vodka?
Forever.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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