Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
