I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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