Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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