She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sarcasm needs its own font
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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