oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
