Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
