my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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