Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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