Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
