Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
