I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize