he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
