So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
