Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
