i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
