I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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