$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
