Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
