i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
