if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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