I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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