I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
