mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
