You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
