How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
