after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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