yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
