She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
