so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Shame - the story of my life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
