i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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