Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
