Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
