just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
