I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
