as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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