she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
