I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
