I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
