She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
