I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
