oh god the rape fog is back!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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