dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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