My liver just broke up with me...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
