Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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