Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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